| There is Almost Always a Silver Lining |
| Seeing it depends on your perspective.
I’ve suffered a number of losses throughout my life which
have motivated me to look for silver linings. I've done it so
often now it has become a habit. In most circumstances I
can usually find one... sometimes more.
When I was in high school I started playing football for the
wrong reason - I thought it would make the girls interested
in me. It didn’t. Shortly, I found I hated the grueling
workouts and wanted to quit, but peer pressure kept me
playing. Then one day I broke my leg in a scrimmage. When
I looked down and saw my leg bent in the wrong place, my
first thought was, “I’ll never have to play this game again.”
I immediately found the silver lining.
A few years later test anxiety caused me to score poorly on
the SAT college entrance exam. I was going to have to
retake the test in order to get into the college of my choice.
I dreaded having to retake it. Meanwhile the 1974 OPEC oil
embargo caused a recession that in turn caused my father’s
construction company to fail. Dad sat me down and explained
that he was no longer able to send me to an expensive
college. Initially I was crushed, but after a few days I realized
that I could afford to send myself to the local state university
on what I earned at my part time job. The silver lining?
I wouldn’t have to retake the SAT because my first score was
good enough.
The concept of “every cloud has a silver lining” was derived
from a John Milton poem written in 1634. However, it did
not come into common usage as encouragement to people
suffering from a loss until the mid 19th century.
Blessings in Disguise
In the mid 1990s I was lured into closing my own company
when I was offered a high salaried position with an advertising
agency. Two years later the agency lost a major client and I
was laid off. I was angry with myself for putting myself in such
a vulnerable position. I had to restart and rebuild my own
business again from scratch. The silver lining was I realized I
had more job security in being self-employed.
My most traumatic loss was probably my divorce. I could not
see a silver lining to that for several years. Going into the final
months of our relationship, before we separated, my stress
from the impending breakup was causing me to have multiple
health issues: high blood pressure, chest pain, heartburn/acid
reflux, and knee inflammation so severe it required me to walk
with a cane. All of those symptoms went away within six weeks
of my wife moving out. But, I didn’t see that as a silver lining
because I didn’t want the divorce.
Four years later, my next relationship came to an end, and I
was deeply depressed. I recognized I had a pattern in the type
of woman to whom I was attracted. I realized it was a mental
problem; and I was determined to find out what it was and
how to fix it. The silver lining was I set out on a journey of
self-discovery and started doing the work necessary to feel
better again. Overtime I became sincerely grateful for the
negative experience that drove me to seek help.
Hitting the Genetic Jackpot
In May of 2022 I learned that I was not related to Dad. I was
conceived by artificial insemination with a sperm donor. I was
pretty upset by the news. Up until then, I believed that none
of my direct ancestors (parents and grandparents) had lived
longer than 63 years; because of that I had been concerned
about my longevity and strived to live as healthy as possible.
The silver lining appeared when I uncovered the identity of
my biological father and learned he lived to be 96 years old,
and his mother 95, both without dementia.
Sometimes the Clouds can be Very Dark
Sometimes we can only come to acceptance by going through
the grieving process. I didn’t see a silver lining to the 911
terror attacks, nor one for the victims of Hurricane Helene.
However, I was able to see a silver lining to Covid-19 because
it enlightened many people to how much the government
and the media are willing to spread false information in
order to control people. During times of propaganda, we can
stay positive and see the upside if we are willing to practice
critical thinking and question authority. Ambrose Bierce
understood this when he wrote the following in The Devil's
Dictionary: “DISOBEDIENCE, n. The silver lining to the cloud
of servitude.”
How to Find Silver Linings
When you run into an obstacle, look for the opportunity.
Sometimes our rigid thinking and cognitive bias prevents us
from finding it. Helen Keller wisely observed, “When one door
of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long
at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been
opened for us.” In other words, it’s all in your perspective; and
changing it may require some creativity.
Experiencing loss is a great time to practice your creative
thinking skills. Just because you hit a roadblock doesn’t mean
you can’t reach your goals. It merely means you may have to
take a new path. Your ingenuity can help you see alternatives.
There are always substitutes available if you are open-minded.
When you engage your creative brain and look for other
options you will be amazed at how resourceful you can be and
what you will discover.
Stay optimistic. Practicing a positive mental attitude regularly
will empower you to see silver linings when a loss occurs.
Implementing positivity includes developing and maintaining
healthy life habits of diet and exercise; making plans to do
things you enjoy; and using affirmations regularly to bolster
your self-worth. While you're at it, hang out with cheerful
upbeat people, who always see the glass as half full; doing so
will likely result in their sunny attitude rubbing off on you.
Help Others Find Their Silver Lining
We never know what another person is going through. Having
compassion for their situation may enable us to assist them
through their time of trouble. Being supportive of someone
who is hurting may be just what they need to develop the
courage to move through their grief and improve their state
of consciousness. For example, it might be helpful to remind
them of their earlier achievements and accomplishments. As
Benjamin Disraeli avowed, “The greatest good you can do
for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to
him his own.”
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© Robert Evans Wilson, Jr.
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